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What's wrong with him? questions

There is a girl here at work who is single and has been out in the wonderful world of first dates.
Each new guy she meets ends up making her add a new question to the list of questions to screen out the ones that just won't work. The one she has been talking to lately (but hasn't met yet) has passed all the questions so far so we are trying to figure out what "the deal breaker" question that she just hasn't thought of yet is.
Some examples of previous deal breakers that have been added are: "Are you hygenically inclined?" and "Have you ever been in prison for crystal meth?"

So, oh LJ brain of mine. What are some questions she needs to ask this boy?

Comments

( 61 comments — Leave a comment )
kajicarter
Mar. 4th, 2008 05:31 pm (UTC)
Marvel or D.C.?

:D
hellziggy
Mar. 5th, 2008 04:58 am (UTC)
A person needs to choose?
suibhne_geilt
Mar. 4th, 2008 05:56 pm (UTC)
Do you own a copy of Caligula?
hellziggy
Mar. 5th, 2008 05:09 am (UTC)
And if he then starts quoting it, run away very fast? :)
boliviafang
Mar. 4th, 2008 06:02 pm (UTC)
My "deal breaker" question is "Are you a practicing Christian?" So far it's weeded out everybody for eight years. wheee.

I actually inveted "The Test", not so much as a real test, but just to hit on various possible common interests that have been important in other friendships of mine.

..okay, I just dug it up and it's completely ridiculous. But I have had friends take it and do amazingly well. One friend (married) who missed only two quetions said I would have to find a way to eliminate Virgos.. so I did. Anyway, here's a sample: (p.s. I can't even remember the answers to most of these. I I think I created it in 1999.)

Answer at least three of the following four questions:

1. Explain one aspect of the Theory of Relativity.

2. What is an “event horizon”?

3. What is “black hole singularity”?

4. How did the presumed discovery of life on Mars affected NASA’s
plans for space exploration in 1996?

Answer at least three of the following four questions:

1. In which Shakespearean play are there three witches?

2. In which Shakespearean play is there a character named Desdemona?

3. Quote one line from Hamlet.

4. What line follows “Come live with me and be my love...”?

Answer at least ______ of the following __________ questions:

1. State one of the laws of thermodynamics.

2. Name ten of the twelve astrological signs.

3. Name one from at least eight of the following eleven categories
(duplicates may be considered):

Classical composer -
Song or lyric writer before 1950 -
Big Band leader -
50’s rock group/singer -
“Classic” rock group/singer -
“Hard” rock group/singer -
Heavy metal group -
Alternative group/singer -
World beat/Reggae group/singer -
Country group/singer -
Christian/Gospel group/singer -

4. Name ten books from the Bible.


8. List at least one name in the thesaurus publishing filed.


9. What is Libertarianism?


11. What is the Three Color Problem in cartography (also sometimes called the Four Color Problem)?


16. Name two types of filovirus, or describe what a filovirus is.


17. In your job, three people want to see you on the same day at the same time. They are: your boss; a long time customer in good standing; a great prospective customer you have been pursuing for months. You can only meet with one, which do you choose?


18. What is the difference between a subdural hematoma and a subdermal
hematoma?


23. What movie does the line “What, African or European?” come from?

25. Give two words that rhyme with “wither”.

Then there's a whole big list of movies with a scale indicating to what degree you like them.

I realize this doesn't help your friend much.... well, except for my first question.. that is, what beliefs does she hold so dear that she couldn't imagine being with someone who doesn't share them... loves animals, wants children, die-hard democrat, vegan, family-before-everything, plans for retirement..... seriously, if there is something that really proved to be a huge emotional issue in the past, that needs to be found out early. Religion is huge for me... so I've stopped letting myself get "interested" first, and then look for reasons why his lack of something I value is "okay in this case". Letting yourself get emotionally or physically invested before asking the tough questions just leads to heartache and lost time. I'm 42. I don't need more friends. I have friends. I don't need "to have fun". I have fun. Right now anyone who is disqualified as potential husband material is not acceptable as "date" material. Dating is the interview process for the position of spouse.

This, of course, explains why I am still single. I eliminate most men with my deal breakers and they eliminate me once they find out that I think all dating should be a prelude to marriage and nothing else.

*looks around*

But I'm happy. I have good life. I have great friends. So it's hard to imagine that I'm doing anything wrong. I guess I'll keep doing what I'm doing.

My very best wishes to your friend.
anonymous_greg
Mar. 4th, 2008 06:25 pm (UTC)
My "deal breaker" question is "Are you a practicing Christian?"

My oldest niece's #2 son is named Christian. Does that get me past the deal breaker question? [innocent smile]
(no subject) - boliviafang - Mar. 4th, 2008 10:50 pm (UTC) - Expand
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lexinatrix
Mar. 4th, 2008 06:13 pm (UTC)
I shall refrain from ranting about how oftentimes people on the dating scene limit the where clause in their select statement so as to return near-zero results.

The best single question I've found that yields the most informative results: What was the last book you read?

I got this question from eHarmony, when James and I signed up just to take the personality test. I would judge every profile I was presented based on the book question alone. It gave me insight into whether the guy had a curious mind, whether he liked to learn, what topics interested him, and most importantly whether he understood the value of books at all.

Responses that earned a veto:
"I don't read books."
"I read a lot for work, so I don't do it in my spare time." (said by a lawyer)
"I only read the paper/my favorite magazine."
"I haven't been able to get through a book since high school/college."

The response that stuck with me (even now, years later) was the guy who could not only name the book, but name the author and give a synopsis of the story. (It was called "Reeling in Russia" about a fly fisherman's travels in Russia... I forget the author.)

If I'd been single, I woulda gone for at least one date with that guy.
lexinatrix
Mar. 4th, 2008 06:23 pm (UTC)
I should make it clear the SPIRIT of my question comes from a fundamentally held value of mine: books and lifelong learning are important to me.

So, while your friend could use my question about books - it is really only testing for the respondant's attitude about what I value.

She should think about the qualities she values in a companion, then form her own questions to test for those qualities.

For example: wiredferret's question would NOT be a deal-breaker for me... but it is for her.
(no subject) - dibsy - Mar. 4th, 2008 07:21 pm (UTC) - Expand
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wiredferret
Mar. 4th, 2008 06:16 pm (UTC)
Are you still on speaking terms with your parents? (Answering no is a lose).
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boliviafang
Mar. 4th, 2008 11:04 pm (UTC)
Excellent question. It's also good if you can stand his male friends.

I used to think I would convene a panel of my girlfriends to screen any man I was dating, but I've since decided that he should be screened by my girlfriends' husbands because
A) the same reason freyjakj gave: men read men better than women,
and B) anyone I'm seriously involved with will be spending time with my friends and their husbands. It would be nice if they hit it off. I really hate that phenomenon where women somehow mysteriously detach from all their friends and end up absorbed into the pool of their husband's friends.
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gileswench
Mar. 4th, 2008 09:11 pm (UTC)
Name someone - living or dead - whom you admire and tell me why.

Or, to make it less of a mouthful: who's your hero and why?

Then you're not asking about your priorities, but his. That difference may seem picky and overly subtle, but it's telling when you hear the answer...a lot like the one about what book you read last.

That said, my first date test turned out to be eating garlic on a first date. Without garlic, I would find both food and life sadly lacking in flavor, so when Mr. Wench shared garlic fondue with me on a first date, then took me back to his place so we could watch Monty Python and the Holy Grail...it just couldn't have been more perfect.

I think his biggest hurdle was waiting for the day when I said I didn't like a song he'd written. There was a visible and audible sigh of relief, and from that point on he's always known he can count on me to give my honest opinion whenever he asks for it, no matter how much it might not be what he wants to hear. Having been badly hosed by a couple of women in his past who told him what they thought he wanted to hear, he was afraid to go through that again.
arvedui
Mar. 4th, 2008 09:32 pm (UTC)
Do you currently have a girlfriend? (assuming she's not poly-oriented)
What are your feelings on premarital sex?
Do you want to have children?
Are you allergic to cats?
hellziggy
Mar. 5th, 2008 05:36 am (UTC)
I also told her to ask him if he has a boyfriend! *grin*
mle292
Mar. 4th, 2008 10:45 pm (UTC)
Try to determine how much thought has gone into the answer before the first date.
The first two are "get to know you" conversation starters so that the third question is a surprise.

If money were no object, where would you live?

What are your friends like?

If you were going to dismember and decapitate me, where would you hide the body parts?

dibsy
Mar. 4th, 2008 11:05 pm (UTC)
Re: Try to determine how much thought has gone into the answer before the first date.
On a similar note, If you were a serial killer, what would your modus operandi be?
akdar
Mar. 5th, 2008 12:24 am (UTC)
So being the practical minded sort I start by thinking of basic questions:

So what do you do for a living? You want them to have a job of some sort.

Do you enjoy your work? Look for whether it is just a job for them or a career that they have a passion and aptitude for. Also look for the overzealous worker type to find someone that matches what you want.

So where do you live? You want to make sure they're not 40 years old and still living at home. Or you want to make sure they're not living down on say Lake and Hennipen or something. Vice versa, if they have a moderate job, you want to make sure they're not living extravagant as that might indicate that they live beyond their means and don't know how to manage their money. This would also wiggle into their financial status. Getting hooked up with someone with massive debt isn't going to be a fun experience.

I know standard wisdom is that you shouldn't talk about past relationships early on, but find out why they are single. If they are in our age bracket, there is a story in there of some sort that may give indications of their personality. Are they divorced, widowed, always been single? Any of those will give you material to make a judgment off of. So questions like:
Have you ever been married?
What was your longest relationship?
Do you have any kids?
What was your last relationship like and how long ago was it?

Medical conditions are also usually on the do not talk about list but can provide good information. Severe food allergies, hypochondriacs, disabilities, chronic disease. These are all things that could influence whether your would be happy with them or not.
Do you have allergies?
Don't you hate getting sick? (fishing to see if they start bitching about it a lot)
Any food we should avoid for dinner?

After you have those biggies out of the way, then I'd start looking at the shared interest type questions. To me, they could share every interest I have thinking computer gaming and reading are great, but if they can't hold a job, still live with their parents, constantly seem to be "sick", and can't eat anything except water and lettuce they just aren't a good match. :P
mle292
Mar. 5th, 2008 02:08 am (UTC)
Well, so and so was a bitch, and before her such and such was just nuts, before her was a harpie...
but find out why they are single. If they are in our age bracket, there is a story in there of some sort that may give indications of their personality.

Definitely. It might not be a "first date" question, but it had better be one before anything gets serious.

Avoid anyone who has dozens of former sig. o.s that are all not complex enough to be categorized outside of their mental deficiencies. Either he's telling the truth and he has a "thing" for crazy people, or he was the problem.
( 61 comments — Leave a comment )

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